“Success depends on getting good at saying no without feeling guilty. You cannot get ahead with your own goals if you are always saying yes to someone else’s projects. You can only get ahead with your desired lifestyle if you are focused on the things that will produce that lifestyle.” ~ Jack Canfield

I’m realizing that my slide into workaholicism was exacerbated by my unwillingness (read: FEAR) to say “NO.” Saying yes to every project that came in was my version of being a heroine. Tiara, cape, magic wand, and all. You have a problem? I can fix it.

And boy, am I good at it.

So good, that the projects just kept coming.

Being blessed beyond measure with work is not always a blessing. I loved being surrounded with work of any kind, because it disguised itself as a security blanket of love and money and knowing I could pay the bills and keep food on the table and make payroll and pay the office rent and the house mortgage.

I was tired beyond measure.

And money, without the love, support, and connection to your family, your home and yourself does not make you happy –  believe me….I know.

I’m starting to realize that there are certain projects that drain our energy and suck valuable time from our other valuable clients.  I’m pretty good at realizing what those projects are when the call comes in…but have not had the heart to turn them away. (I get it…it’s really all about me wanting to right the wrongs!) Conversely, there are projects that truly energize us, keep us challenged, and are immensely valued by our clients. That pure gold is what we’re after.

Of late, we have completely revamped our office. Organizing files. Buying new equipment. Hiring an executive assistant. Clearing out the old, and creating space for the new.

Today, I plan to go in and say no to several projects. Not because those people’s problems aren’t important (they are!), and not because we don’t need the money (we do!)…but because I know there’s still space to clear. For the projects and the opportunities that are on the way.

Here’s to saying NO! And here’s to saying YES to the value you want to live and play in!

You’re so mean when you talk
About yourself. You were wrong.
Change the voices in your head
Make them like you instead. ~ PINK

To the outside world, I would imagine that the successful day I had today would have everything to do with the fact that I was installed as the Vice-Chair of the Board of Directors of an international association. One that has 70,000 members worldwide and is THE leading association in my profession.

Flying around up here at 32,000 feet, I can see that it is truly remarkable. I can hardly believe it, myself. #pinchme

But the tears in my eyes have nothing to do with this fact.

They have everything to do with the way I felt didn’t feel today.

• I didn’t second guess myself, “Did they make a mistake?”

• I didn’t measure against others, “I’m not as good as the guys around the table.”

• I didn’t multitask, “I better stay on top of my email and voicemail!”

• I didn’t isolate myself, “I will stay small because, what if I don’t fit in (or they don’t like me)?”

I think part of being a workaholic is the incessant need to feed the monster that incessantly gives you false messages. Messages you believe but want to push down all at the same time.  In return, nothing can be enjoyed because you’re always measuring up, worried about the next thing to do, making yourself small, or conversely, puffing yourself up.

Believing you are unlovable. Unlikeable. Not good enough.

I think some people drink. Some smoke. Some shop too much. Me? I work worked. Falsely believing that by being successful at work I would finally “be” somebody.

Part of my recovery from being a workaholic is seeing that monster for what she really is.

Ugly.

Mean.

And a lying liar who lies.

The remarkable thing about today is that I enjoyed it fully for the connections I made. For the really cool information I learned about who our association reaches in amazing parts of the world [where in the world is Benin?!]. For the feeling of comradery and professionalism.  And for the feeling of accepting myself and my place at the table.

I didn’t miss the monster or her lies.

But, I really enjoyed Tiffany today!

“Trust yourself. Create the kind of self that you will be happy to live with all your life. Make the most of yourself by fanning the tiny, inner sparks of possibility into flames of achievement.” – Golda Meir

I will admit it. I have a hard time trusting myself. I grew up being told I was smart, but not good at making decisions. That I would never make much of myself. Oh, I could go on, but I won’t bore you. So, I worked harder than everyone else. I did every outward thing I could think of to prove that message to be wrong. To prove that I was actually lovable.

I pretty much succeeded at that. #IAMTIFFANY #IAMAWORKAHOLIC

But those outward signs of success did not breed happiness or self-love. Nope, not at all. Passing the CPA exam on the first try, getting promotions, starting a business and winning awards, making good money, losing tons of weight…I am proud of all of them. But, I will confess that the shine of those moments did not last.

The hard work started two years ago. With a key. The One gave me a key and a letter and he asked me to do something unthinkable. He asked me to JUST STOP. To hold that key close to my heart or in my pocket and let it all go. To find it within myself to love who I was. Just as he did.

And so, I set out to do just that.

To free myself from chains that, while I did not initially place on myself, I kept beholden to out of fear – and out of habit. Those chains were my comfort zone. There were moments I thought I might die. There were moments I wished I would.

Who knew it would be so hard to love yourself?! Who knew it would be so hard to find your way to happy?

But I do. And I am.

And it is a glorious feeling!

#RECOVERYISWORTHIT

Kudos to Shelley at theselfconnection.com. I found Shelley just months after The One gave me the key….coincidence? I think not! She helped me unlock the chains and find my way back to me.

The first two weeks of my new plan did not go swimmingly. I think I only got out of the office, on time, one or two days. Failure sucks.

But, we have to listen to failure. It’s a whisper (sometimes it’s louder than that…but, I digress) that tells us that something isn’t working. That the situation isn’t right for us, it’s not the road we need to be on.

I’ve been practicing listening to those whispers…what are they telling me? Where are they calling me?

Starting last Tuesday, I decided that I would workout and spend time with my family in the mornings and get to work a little later each day. (I know, I know, you’re wondering why in the hell I would want to actually spend time with my perfect very grumpy children each morning?!?!).

As of this Tuesday, I’ve not missed a workout. I kiss my kids in the morning before they get off to school, sign last minute assignments, yell at them to get moving, this morning I helped lace up the brand new shoes. In other words, I get to be their MOM.

Do you know how much of this simple stuff I have missed?

Too much, my friends. Too much.

But it gets better. I’ve been getting up early…really early. Like zero-dark thirty early. My dad was an early riser. Every day, without fail. I believed I did not get his “up and at ’em” early gene.

Pretty sure I was wrong.

The first week of working out early was a bitch. My body was unhappy. It did not want to move.  Over the weekend, I read the book “The Miracle Morning” by Hal Elrod and have changed my perspective. I spend the first hour of my day meditating, envisioning my goals for the day/week/year/life, journaling, and just BEING. I found a 15 minute yoga program on UDEMY and love it (one of my goals is to increase my flexibility). By the time the hour flies by, I’m ready to workout, the boys are milling about and laughing at me as I work out with Jillian Michaels, and by 8:00 AM, they are out the door and I can hit the showers…

Feeling great.

Filled with purpose.

Happy.

#recoveryisgood

The good news: I’m about to commence my 4th workout in as many days. I call that success! I’ve switched my schedule around so that I can workout and spend time with the family in the mornings and arrive at work a little later.

The bad news: I left work late every night and missed dinner (to be fair, one of those nights was a long-planned speaking engagement out of town). I felt bad that The One had to bring the kids down to the office and eat dinner with me last night.

#MOMFAIL

As we sat around the dinner conference room table, the kids chatting and joking, the guilt feelings melted away and were replaced by a deep sense of happiness. I have a husband who adores me. My kids truly like their mom and want to tell her about their day and help her when she asks. I was leaving work knowing that today would be a day out of the office – writing the book that is on my mind and which is dying to be created.

Failure? I think not.

Yes, I missed dinners. Yes, I let old fears creep in and overtake me multiple times. Yes, I worked too much on non-billable items and not enough on things that “make money.”  No, things are not perfect…and neither am I.

I shut the door to the office knowing that something bigger won out at the end of this week. And that something bigger was actually something small. The small, quiet voice inside that says. “You are okay.” “Everything is going to be okay.” “All is well and you are loved.”

If you listen, you will hear the same small voice encouraging you.

“I will not be distracted by noise, chatter, or setbacks. Patience, commitment, grace, and purpose will guide me.” – Louise L. Hay

I sat down to work from home this Sunday afternoon. Because I believe I need to. Because my list is…..”this long.” The backlog, stacked up and looming.

The thing is, I’m sitting down and nothing is happening. I don’t know where to start and I’m battling intense feelings of drudgery and work.

My work, well it NEVER feels like work.

So instead, I am listening….where do you want to go? What do you want to do?

But…my list is THIS LONG. The backlog keeps piling!

Shhhhhhhhh…..I know about the list. It is always this long. I know about the stack of backlog, it is always piled this high.

Be quiet. Be still.  Where do you want to go? What do you want to do?

I would like to hang out and watch a movie.

I would like to play a board game with my kids.

I would like to keep working on the blanket I’m making for First Born.

I would like to take a long walk with The One.

Today, I will listen to ME. And all will be well and good.

#recoveryishard  #listen #behappy

To change the world,
Start with one step.
However small,
The first step is hardest of all. ~ Dave Matthews You Might Die Trying

11:28 PM. I’m still at work.

And I am not beating myself up….too much. Yes, I was supposed to leave here 8 hours ago. Workout. Eat Make dinner with  for my family. I didn’t make it. Not even close. I just worked the equivalent of 2 shifts, and my goal is less than 1!

AARGH

Why aren’t I beating myself up? Or crying in a big fat puddle of perceived failure and self-loathing? Because normally I would be here until 2 or 3 AM to feel like I have more progress and then bag a wine club event I want to go to tomorrow night to wrap ‘er up.

The fact is, I have a perfectly capable person able to handle it. Murph will relish the task, he will get it done, and my time tomorrow will be short.

He will make me money tomorrow while I am making my own working at another client.

Best part? I will sleep tonight.

And that, my friends, is progress.

The quote at the bottom of my email signature says this:

Whenever you see a successful business, someone once made a courageous decision.” ~ Peter Drucker

The quote has been there for nearly 8 years now, and I don’t tire of looking at it. It means something to me. I laughed today when I saw it because the thought crossed my mind that the quote should change and read something more like this:

Whenever you see a successful business, someone is practicing courage daily.” ~Tiffany Couch

Some of the setbacks I experienced this week nearly toppled me over…convinced me that my grand plans were “crazy” or “unrealistic”….these setbacks ranged from working more hours than I wanted to, to a solitary trip to the gym (when I had planned for 5), to, well, let’s just say a series of emotional roller coaster rides that interfered with my resolve.

Turborusty to the rescue. My husband. My guy. THE ONE. The One met me at a coffee shop and held out his hand (smart guy…the other hand had coffee in it for me, first….) and told me to stop looking at these setbacks and my upcoming overly scheduled week as failures. He reminded me that this was a long-haul plan. This was a cabin in the woods, by the lake, kind of plan. This was not a “what happens tomorrow or Tuesday or next Friday” make it or break it deal.

#sotrue

High level support, coffee, and a shift of mindset really made the day easier to bear. Sure, lots of courageous stuff happened after that. But it was far less important than being reminded of the big picture.

PS…my big news is here: http://www.acfe.com/2015-new-regents.aspx?utm_source=acfehomepage&utm_medium=hero&utm_campaign=BORAnnounce

 

 

I’ve never seen any life transformation that didn’t begin with the person in question finally getting tired of their own bullshit. ~Elizabeth Gilbert

How do you know you’re a workaholic?

I’m pretty sure having heart palpitations when you take your iPhone and iPad and tell those devices to no longer push your work email to your device is a clue.

I did just that on Sunday night.

And I experienced panic attack – like symptoms. Rapid heart rate, check. Tightened chest, check. Insomnia, check. Thoughts of impending doom or even death, absolutely yes.

#sadbuttrue

I haven’t checked email on either device for 48 hours. 48 hours – insert small happy dance here ( honesty check: that doesn’t mean I haven’t picked up said devices dozens of times to look at the screen….but I haven’t given in to the urge to open the email programs and have it “fetch” my email)!

Guess what?!  No one has died. No one has gotten mad at me. All work has been handled.

Something even better? I have time to think. In the morning as I get ready and eat breakfast. On my way to work. At work or in between appointments. Home at night. It is truly astounding! Try it – I’m sure you’ll have your own AHA moments.

Want to hear something kind of special? On Monday, my official day 1 of recovery, I received three HUGE pieces of news. HUGE.

– One involves a new case, another is a media opportunity, and the third….well, you’ll have to wait for the press release for that at the end of this week. It is B.I.G.!

Life showing up!

Life shows up for us, do you notice?

For example, yesterday I was in the middle of the first blog post and Mr. T came in and begged me to play a board game. I will admit, this was hard. I wanted to finish my blog, I wanted to write my book, I wanted to prepare the manifesto that my employees will be getting tomorrow!

That’s life showing up. No coincidences. Decide now. You’re putting it out there that you want to be a Recovering Workaholic…now are you going to do it…or not?

I played the damn game. He chose the game of LIFE (coincidence, I think not). It’s the mother of all board games to set up – I swear it takes longer to set it up than it does to play it.

But play it we did and he beat me fair and square.

I forgot about my to-do list and my blog post. He wanted to be the banker. I cringed every time he put the money in the bank upside down or backwards. But he got his math right every time and his little mind worked overtime to strategize the big decisions (which house should I buy…college or career first?).

The loser (READ: Mom) had to clean up the game.

That baby of mine is smart. And funny. And a pure joy to spend time with.

One small step.

Dear Life, thank you for showing up for me.